From her eulogy…
I sit here by my winter fire, hands wrapped around warm coffee watching thoughts of you arise—wondering how to say good-bye. What feels so hard is to try and express the crystal clarity of the love and peace I witnessed at your death, while I am faced with the complexity, mystery and confusion of your Life. It is tempting to grab onto the image of you in your younger years—the Life of the party, filled with song and dance, a good laugh, a good time; an open door where crowds came and went; a haven for young people, where a never ending Yahtzee game was being played, and say that that was really you. All of these would soothe our sentimental hearts in our human desire to run away from the shadows. Yet to do that would be to diminish you somehow…to silence you as Life tried to when you cried out your questions of injustice and pain, as your spirit struggled against death and disease, aging and addiction, limited finances and limited bodies.
Your daughters, Cathy and Ilene, expressed how much they liked their long talks with you—that you had a sort of wisdom that they appreciated. I know that wisdom they spoke of. It was an earthy wisdom that comes from the very real and human struggle, as spirit wrestles with our humanity. It is as though it causes a friction that ignites fires of love and passion and even anger and rage when our image of how things should be falls short of how they are..
I see the crystal figures, the prisms and mirrors of your collection, and it is as though I look into your heart’s desire –the clarity and purity for which you longed for but could not find. It was somehow buried deep within you, covered by the anger you wore to protect you from your sorrow. And yet what is our sorrow but the weeping for what has been our joy…the clear crystal times lost.
Most of all you wanted Truth—demanded Truth—stood fast in the Truth you found. You made hard decisions and you suffered your decisions. Job was your best friend as you watched the loss around you and struggled for your own breath. Yet in the end I know you stood with Job in his final moments, where he saw All Love, the Love of All as Truth, the Love of All as Justice, the Love of All as Beauty and it is to that Truth that you surrendered.
Your final hours were a crystal moment—when those you had loved most dearly, were ready to drop everything,… jobs and families, hurts and confusions and fly across continents to gather around you and remember the love that was born through you,…to sing you songs, to hold your hand, stand by you, comfort you, all that had been impossible for so long. And they remembered and remembered the love—love that pours from broken hearts to be renewed.
One might think it sad that you should die before Christmas, yet as your Godchild, I will hold it as a comfort and a gift that your spirit is free from its struggle to breathe, that your mind is at peace in the final Truth you have found—arms stretched out to embrace the good spirit that is you.
As we celebrate the light and love born to earth at Christmas, through the one who would know and heal our suffering, we will celebrate your love born to heaven and know that a great Christmas party has begun. In my morning prayers I heard the echoes of your infectious laughter …… We love you Janny and we will miss you. We will sing your songs and laugh your laughter and not be afraid to speak the Truth found in crystal clear times.
Thank you for your life and the way your spirit continues to grace my life….
